Showing posts with label gender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gender. Show all posts

02 June 2012

l'enfant terrible

"These must be for halloween." -young girl at the Gaultier show




Jean Paul Gaultier at the DeYoung in San Francisco.  Pure genius.  Something about putting hundreds of hours of work into handcrafting a haute couture piece and then letting it drag along the floor really struck me about his aesthetic and his work in general.   He seems to have mastered that elusive balance between precise, unwavering orientation to detail and unprecious non-attachment to the items themselves.  One mannequin wore a camouflage jacket, coyly lined with gold lame that is only visible with a pop of the collar or a roll of the sleeves.  How decadent, how inappropriate, what cultural statement that basic piece makes.  Camo is to hide from attention, lame is to attract attention.  Who wears such a thing?  How dare they?  Must we consider the feelings of others when we decide what to wear? Gaultier is crafting an experience really; one that just happens to involve immaculate costumes and results in transforming the wearer/viewer into someone they didn't realize they were. And who doesn't want to be someone different then they are every once in awhile? That's the core of fashion, isn't it?

Gaultier's tender and biting critique on gender is a second inspiring aspect of the show.  In another dichotomy, his designs manage to exhault the female body and yet doesn't make an object out of it.  Across all the work, men repeatedly covet female beauty and the rituals that get women there, but in hopes that they can possess these qualities themselves rather than the usual sexualized, mysogynistic response that culture requires men provide to scantily clad women.  These men admire these women, but desire their femininity more than their anatomy.  One of the most interesting pieces in the show for me, fine art wise, consisted of a male mannequin dressed in a (stunning!) 3 piece suit covered by a (supurb!) corset. He was positioned toward a mirror, which contained a projection of himself.   Through the use of projected video, the mannequin and his reflection had a conversation amongst themselves about adornment, gender, beauty and self-consciousness.  "Quiet! I can sense people watching us!" he says at one point, indicating his embarrassment at his genderbending outfit.  "Just smile and look pretty, " his reflection responds, "why shouldn't you look beautiful?"  

24 March 2012

everything is boring and everyone is a fucking liar

 It's been 5 years since Spank Rock put out some new music.  Totally worth the wait. Everything is Boring and Everyone is a Fucking Liar proves that he's still that lyricist that hiphop needs.  

"I took NY like Cloverfield, now I wanna go west (Like Kanye?) I was thinking more Cornell...."


"Man up, baby, show a little bit of heart. Cause you will never find the light if you afraid of the dark."

"There must be something more than falling in love with you."




17 March 2012

The swampland of the Soul

"Vulnerability is not weakness and that myth is profoundly dangerous.  Vulnerability is courageous."  - Brene Brown


As a psychotherapist, I watch people avoid feeling shame and being vulnerable through every imaginable defensive process every single day.   Yet, every once in awhile someone approaches the edge of that black swampland of the soul and dips their toes in.  These are beautiful, honorable moments.  I always fall in love in those moments, soul to soul.  The courage to face our darkest shadows without delusion heals not only ourselves, but the collective as well.  Within that dank swamp of shame is the future of all our ancestors and the past of all those who came before us.  When our fear and shame prevent us from going anywhere near that swamp (or even recognizing that the swamp exists inside of us) it becomes impossible to feel for anyone else's struggles.  Vulnerability is essential for intimacy, internal and external.

Every single time we dip in, we can emerge with an experience of understanding that vulnerability, shame, self criticism, anxiety are fundamental building blocks to intimacy and that feelings of intimacy/belonging are the best protectors against abuse of the self and other.  To be supported by others requires intimacy and to be intimate requires vulnerability.  Therefore, we cannot really feel a sense of belonging and support from others without the courage to be vulnerable because this vulnerability is what incites empathy in others. It's a cycle that must start through an internal reduction of defenses against our own vulnerability. The myth of vulnerability as weakness is wrong.  The ability to be truly vulnerable in relationship and interaction is strength.  This is what helps people love one another- not perfection, not intellect, not beauty, not wealth.  Vulnerability.


29 January 2011

Twin flames


Everyone knows about soul mates, but do you know about twin flames?



I, like Einstein and Shakyamuni Buddha, believe that there is one, collective energy/matter to which we all belong. All one. We inter-are. When we are conceived into this lifetime a bit of that energy breaks off to eventually become each and every one of our unique manifestations. This is perceived as our 'self', the 'I' with whom we identify, until it comes time to die, pass into the next manifestation and reconnect/redistribute our 'selves' among the collective energy matter that makes up all that is and all that isn't.

Some theoretical positions, such as astrology, numerology, indigo and crystal belief systems, propose that the breaking off of energy matter is more systematic than random. This results in similar traits and connections among those who are pulled from the collective together. Most people understand this on the level of the zodiac, i.e. Taurus are stubborn and love tangible luxury; Virgos are detail oriented and rigid. The ancient Tibetans had a belief that everyone one crosses paths with in a lifetime was their mother in another lifetime. This is yet another way of conceptualizing group manifestations of energy and matter. The theory of soul mates is another theory that encapsulates this belief, but is often commonly misunderstood.

Many people think that a 'soul mate' is equivalent to the love of one's life, when actually soul mates may be better considered as souls who's energy was broken off from the same piece of the collective at the same time as one's own, resulting in a separate manifestation at the same time and often in the same place as one's own, lifetime after lifetime. Soul mates come into our lives to teach us about all of the possibilities that human interaction and connection can entail. You know when you have had an interaction with a soul mate because you have a sense of knowing that person before, even when you first meet them, and you may feel inexplicably attracted to the soul mate, like you just have to go with the flow of energy between the 2 of you. Often soul mates end up wrestling with each other on an energetic level and they frequently do NOT end up as life long partners. But you will be sure to have grown and developed awareness because of an interaction with a soul mate, positive or negative. We all have multiple soul mates and usually interact with at least a few during each lifetime as a way to work out our karma and head toward our twin flame in preparation for re-union. But do not despair! Despite the deep experience of loss and transformation that soul mates can bring into your human conscious experience it is work that we all must do. You must feel whole in yourself, before your twin flame will emerge. Soul mates and our experiences with them allow us the opportunity to see what is stopping us from being whole in ourselves.

As you might be able to intuit based on the words I chose to describe our emergence from the collective energetic pot, we all have to give something up in order to get to where we are. We must be split from the collective in order to be manifest as the individual. Every exit is an entrance to new experiences. One big way that we individuate is through gender. For me to be a woman in this lifetime, I had to split from my collective male energy. One of my soul mates will have split from his female energy to become a male in this lifetime*. This person is my twin flame. Our energies will eventually merge together just prior to transcendence beyond the human realm, which will result in a full reunion into the collective and generally symbolizes the end of manifestation in the human realm. Unlike soul mates, twin flames often collide only in the final lifetime as humans and they may not feel as familiar as soul mates. Twin flames will experience a mutual sense of eternal and transcendent love. They typically recognize one another following at least one 'dark night' in which they have faced and resolved their deepest traumas and karmic debts. This darkness is necessary, as being present with your twin flame requires clearance of all obstacles to true union.

Sometimes, twin flames cross paths and the time is not right. One may be engaged in a relationship with a soul mate. One might not be ready to tolerate the intense mirroring that being present with a twin flame entails. Additionally, being in relationship with one's twin flame is a gateway to direct relationship with the divine energy that is mother to us all. Sometimes we think we are ready for that and connect with our twin flame only to realize that we still have spiritual blockages to resolve. It is not uncommon for twin flames to temporarily separate in the physical realm until the remaining individual blockages are cleared. Even in this separation, twin flames will feel a strong psychic connection that seems magical and does not fade with time. This cycle usually occurs within one lifetime. For once twin flames find each other, they generally find a way to unite before passing, as their next passing is destined to be into a realm beyond the human. The energetic charge between twin flames is loving, not obsessional or needy. This is a profound and inexplicable connection that brings joy and non-dependent comfort, regardless of physical presence or not. The interactions between twin flames are blatantly honest and may be painful, but not composed of trickery or game playing. Your twin flame will not cheat you, lie to you or otherwise deceive you, though they may hurt you through soul baring honesty and penetration into your deepest recesses where no one else has been allowed. If this happens, it is simply a means to clear any residual inner conflict that must be cleared within the individual before true union is possible. Despite the challenges, the overall feeling of twin flame union is peaceful and comforting, wholeness.

Twin flames together will travel through fire and emerge with a union that transcends logic, ego, time and space. You'll both know it when it emerges. You'll know it ten years later when it has ceased to subside. The whole is always greater then the sum of the parts and when we commune with our twin flame we can truly forge our path to divine, collective consciousness.



*NOTE: Our energetic gender does not always match our biological gender. This theory is about union of opposites in the most etheric sense and in no way indicates that same sex or transgendered couples have not found their twin flames with a person of the same gender. The universe works in mysterious ways and the feelings we get in interaction with others are ultimately much more valuable than something as temporary and superficial as biological gender assignment.